i think about repentance a lot lately. i have much to repent for. i am stuck here because i run out of promises.
should we say it is our ways of promising God that we will turn back from our sins and we will start doing such and such?
what is the first thing we think about when it comes to our sins and our knowledge of repentance?
“well, these sins are bad, and i really should get out of there. i will pray about them that God will help me get out of it. since i am forgiven, i will read my bible, pray more, love the people more.” now we kinda start feeling like we really repent. isn’t that how we function daily in our lives? in order for us to feel loved and forgiven, we promise certain things to the people and when those promises are accepted, we feel the reconciliation. but what happens when we break those promises? what happens when those promises are not accepted? we don’t feel at ease and it brings more turmoils to our souls. then, our promises feel like the keys to our remorse/repentance/reconciliation with people.
how does that work with God, who is holy and perfect? do our promises hold the same key? i don’t know if our promises to God work out well in our relationship with Him. well now, i am not saying we should not come with promises to God when we come near to Him because we need tangible ways to show our love and devotions toward Him. i am sure all can agree with me in that. as humans so full of flaws, we break our promises all the time, then who is really the one keeping the promises? God is the one who keeps His promises, which are to love and flourish us with His grace abundantly through the Holy Spirit because the Son of God has saved us from the eternal condemnation.
thus i really don’t think true repentance looks at how many promises we can make to God, but how many promises God has given us in His beautiful covenant.
i usually go back to God with my hands full of promises, but tonight and forward, i’d rather receive His piercing hands full of promises. i came to this conclusion because i am a little stuck here due to the fact that i don’t know what promises i should be making to God these days so that i ‘feel’ like i am repenting.
i have given him many promises so that i may feel justified and satisfied during my repentance. i am not going to nullify how much of truth it was in that repentance, but it was certainly me-centered.
see, the problem with me-centered repentance is: we are making the promises to feel like we are truly repenting OR we consider ourselves truly repenting because we are making promises to God. either way, we are still lying to ourselves about our repentance. when my promises are empty– well, i guess i cannot (am not} repent for my sins? man, this feels like all the other religions but Christianity. Christ-centered repentance would look at the cross and the covenantal promises that Christ has purchased with His blood.
the true repentance comes from God and the true repentance looks at Christ. since i am too fast to make promises, i want to learn to be faster in remembering His promises for me.