to feel what He felt.

April 27, 2014

my 2014 passion week was wayyy different than how I anticipated. I usually have this time as a self-reflection, personal seeking of the Lord, personal fasting for the Lord and asking more of Him in quietness. I was hoping it was the case this year, but well, God had a better plan – not only to know why He had to die and defeat death just for me, but for the people around me.

it was not an easy feeling to even feel a glimpse of what Jesus felt…. seriously. the real Easter.

One day, I saw a broken family where the father would kick the daughter out for coming to church.
Another day, I saw a man with a terrible pain that just came out of nowhere.
Another day, I saw a man with alcohol problem trying to beat his young daughter.
Another day, I saw a man with a terrible illness that has left him very petite. On the same night, I saw a dead person on a bed not moving.
The next day, I saw a man who spoke as if he had no sins because he followed good moral rules.
The whole week, I saw a man who spoke to the church that in order to receive salvation, you must follow and do all these and those. he talked of God as a harsh and impatient being, who just loved to punish and leave his children when they disobey. the teaching that come from the law that if you are not following the rules and regulations, you are not a Christian. I saw him putting the people into bondage, not of freedom, misquoting the Scriptures to make people become legalistic and burdened. “where is the mercy and love in this God?”, i screamed with all my heart.

OHHHH…. I now understand why Jesus had to come down and die for all of us.

I see a Man on Calvary who would welcome us to his home with gladness and reconcile relationships.
I see a Man on Calvary who would cry out to heal the most terrible pains in our lives permanently so that we may reign with Him eternally.
I see a Man on Calvary who would long for His children because He created them to build a loving relationship with them.
I see a Man on Calvary who would defeat death so that our lives maybe filled with His goodness.
I see a Man on Calvary who regardless of our sins would come to save us, even when we are so blind to see our sins to know that we need a Savior.
I see a Man on Calvary who would promise that ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”
I see a Man on Calvary who would stretch his arms on the cross so that we may not be under the law but under His grace. He fulfilled the law, so in our failures, we may share His victory. his blood purchased our freedom from sins, so that we may live freely in the Spirit through faith. His love extends invitation to all the creation to reconcile to the Father, who is patiently waiting for us. He said “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

the Gospel is wide and deep. i gotta experience it not just for me, but for God’s beloved people. i need to experience it not just for His people, but for His eternal glory.
on the next wednesday, i saw Pastor John Piper teaching about Jonathan Edwards in our school– that man spoke of God in such a way that I could how he reveres and loves God. it was not even about the content or bible verse that he used, but it was just the way he speaks of God, the way he portrays God. the way he displays God.

i want to be like that. really. it does not matter how much i learn from seminary school or how much experience i have with ministry, i just want to taste and see God.

i just want to have that holy ‘weight’ when i speak of His glorious name because God is God.

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