i am writing a lifeline assignment paper for my PT 5000 class. the class is focused on the personhood and how God has been working in their lives. the paper is 50% of the grade, and i just have to write every major events of my life and how it affected me and how God was working.
man… going back into the past isn’t easy without knowing that God was there at all times.
i sometimes forget that God was there. all those wrong choices, pains, sins, haunting memories, struggles, wreckage, confusions, storms — God was there. God was still working for my good.
i am actually hurt as i am writing some of these stories. don’t we all sometimes struggle with these??? as if the scripts were not written for us and that we got the wrong ones??? for me i would say “i wish it was more beautiful. i wish it was less chaos. i wish it was more something better. i wish it was less of a failure. i wish i was more of a ‘deserving’ sinner’.”
certainly, these thoughts come from thinking that i could write a better story than God does. as if i know better than the creator of the universe. as if i could see the beginning and the end. as if i am my own author of salvation and perfecter of my faith.
when i can’t provide for myself, Christ provides for me.
when i can’t forgive myself, Christ forgives me.when i can’t love myself, Christ loves me.
when i can’t delight in myself, Christ delights in me.
when i can’t find my way, Christ makes the way.
when i don’t know myself, Christ knows me.
when i don’t think for myself, Christ thinks for me.
when i can’t die for myself, Christ dies for me.
when i can’t save myself, Christ saves me.
when i was blind, He led me.
when i was mute, He spoke for me.
when i was broken, He created me new.
when i was weak, He became my strength.
when i was neglected, He comforted me.
when i was empty, He filled me up.
when i was blessed, He blessed me even more.
when i was dead, He breathed life into me.
while i was still a sinner, He died for me.
“Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be;
Let that grace now like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.”
Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
YES! my answer is YES! for God, who so loves me, i will learn to trust you in my past, my present and my future that You work for my good.