no expectation.

November 12, 2012

i have been realizing more and more how selfish i am with my plans in almost everything. it is either my way or the highway! a bit of change in the plan and it gets to my nerve. God knows. He knows, He knows.. and He has been trying to turn me around, so that i can see the way He wants me to see.

when i plan of something nice, i immediately get consumed with it. i  dwell on it all day, and see how i could make the best out of it or how i would draw a perfect picture as i would imagine it to be. as first, it is a small picture, but i put a big frame around it and making it larger than how it appears to be. then i would hang it in my heart’s living room, making a big space for all that it needs. well now, it has captured most of my desires and goals in a very short amount of time.

as i begin to get to know a person, my thoughts will be with the person. i would try to get consistency out of the person just like how i had at the first times. i like to see how far the highest joy that i got from that person could carry on. i expect the same results or better. if it is not then, i get a bit disappointed. it goes for people that i have been friends with years too….  oh my standards on consistency and putting my hope in people. what a mess!

well, for this past month, God has been constantly teaching me it is He who determines the steps of my plans. after several events, an intense frustrating moment of screaming in the car asking God, ‘whyyyyy?’, wrestling with Him for quite amount of times and reflecting on what has been happening in my life, i saw what God had been patiently waiting for me to learn.

Proverbs 16:9 we can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. [NLT version]

the problem is not about me planning things or finding interests in people really. it is more about where i put the treasures of my hope and not being able to recognize Who determines my steps. — simply because i am so blinded by looking down at the path and not looking up.
He is a consuming Fire and a jealous God. for He deserves all the glory, i need to learn to surrender my thoughts and plans at His feet so that He can have it His way, the best way possible ever!

if i ever should expect, i should expect that the outcomes would give glory to God’s name.
if i ever should expect, i want to expect His deliverance and mighty hands in His perfect timing.
if i ever should expect, i want to expect the day my Lord Jesus Christ coming down on the clouds with fire.

i want to learn to have no expectations on people or anything on this earth. i want to learn to be faithful with the Present that i am given and also with the Eternity that could bring me closest to God, not just the mere future. gotta stop living this life as if it is mine. gotta pause, reflect and trust that everything will go according to God’s will. not my will.

Jeremiah 10:23 i know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

oh Lord, please take my feet and direct them, so that with every step, i would learn to discern to give all the glory to You.
no, no expectation in anything except God.

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