it has been seven weeks of working out and trying to finish reading the old testament. of course, there are so many times i couldn’t perform as well as i want to because of external circumstances like family and work, and also the lack of internal motivation. i am about 151 lbs (after gaining back some from the weekend) and on 2Samuel (my favorite book of the bible so far because of king David). 6 more pounds to go, and a lot of OT to go over. kinda exciting!
in the very beginning, i thought that in the middle of this 3-month plan, i would mostly be struggle with boasting in my look or some things along with that. yea i am struggling with that, but in a very different way.
as i am fasting from a lot of foods in terms of what they are, also with the times and amount, and my body/mind feels so uneasy/uncomfortable. my mind wanders around so much….
as i am losing weight, i can see the stretched marks from my shoulders are much more clearer and also the scars/marks on my face. i never thought of them appearing much. as the skin shrinks back, those things become more noticeable. it is funny how i don’t usually notice those damages when the skin was full– a bit of lipose cells and viola! those things are hidden in plain sight– and now unclouded.
things are never enough. even in the midst of good things, our minds still love to focus on the little bad things. the mind always needs its foods, it will try to get it one way or another. while being fed, it never gives attention to how it would be like without those things. once it is stopped getting fed, it feels empty– craving one thing after another.
i might be talking just about physical things here, but it is not merely just that. let me put them in some spiritual terms – fasting from foods as in from some sins that i would go about indulging and making myself feel okay about, and – seeing that marks/scars as in seeing more and more of the my sins and my incompleteness/brokenness. clearly, someone is in need of grace.
well tonight, before feeding my soul with any temporary earthly things, i want to bow down before the Lord my God to fill me with His Holy Spirit. not that i have to, but because i desperately need him. i could gain the whole world, but if i don’t have the King and lose my soul, what good is it for me? i know He is here, i know He is near, but my heart feels far away. going to Champaign and talking to about ~15 people individually the past weekend, all of their lives spoke to me that how they are nothing without Christ.
i could be doing all the right things. i could be saying all the nice things. i could be acting all good.
but if i don’t have Christ being alive in me, i am still like chaff easily blown away by wind.
(any) life definition is meaningless without Christ.
quench my thirst and satisfy my need, oh my Bread of Life.
john 6:35 then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. he who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”
psalm 27:8 my heart says of you, “seek His face!” Your face, Lord, i will seek.