i haven’t blogged for a while now. there are so many drafts before this one, but i couldn’t continue writing them due to the lack of convictions. i am kinda waiting for God’s right timing to go back and write them. but in the mean time, i will write on what God is teaching me throughout this summer on the daily basis. it is time.
i read Matthew 17:14-21 last night, and one thing i could apply for myself was on how i pray. the story started with the man approaching to Jesus, kneeing, asking for mercy, and bringing his son to Jesus’ disciples (and to Jesus later on). i like the sequence of how the man goes about to Jesus, and i could relate myself to him very much. one thing i saw was that he had to bring up his son to Jesus so that he may be healed. honestly, there are still so many things that i don’t bring to Jesus so that he can heal me. my sequence of prayer might stop at asking for mercy or bringing the shallow parts of my sin. i have prayed so many prayers in my life, but to be desperate like this guy, that would be only a few times in my life. the question is ‘do i really want to be healed? do i really want to be changed?’ it is gonna hurt like it says in “Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.” i think God has been disciplining me so hard these past months through lots of things. some practical understanding that i have come to conclude is that my heart gotta follow and submit to His discipline, and bring in things – that are not holy, that are sick, that are filthy, that are lazy, that are old and that need to die. to relate to the story, it seems like i didn’t want to bring the right boy (sins that require intense work) to Jesus.
and to put Romans 6:11 in them sins ‘in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.’
back to the verse. Jesus talks to His disciples what a small of faith they have and that they are ‘unbelieving and perverse generation’. the disciples questioned Jesus why they couldn’t drive out the demon. sigh… it looks like they could have understood what Jesus meant easily, but they didn’t get it. now, now, Jesus talked about how a faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountain. if they have prayed in Jesus’ name and believing that God can really drive that demon, that surely could have worked, but they didn’t! i really wonder about my prayers – the so many prayers of wanting to be changed for His glory. most of the times, i feel as if i’m praying like i am someone who is strange to God. maybe sometime as His friend or sometimes as somebody that He used to know. lol but really, how much more would it take to pray as His son who He traded with His other son? HIS BELOVED SON! even praying takes faith.
faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God – A.W. Tozer. maybe the disciples were praying on their own powers, maybe they thought it was an easy task, maybe they didn’t pray as the disciples of God the almighty, or maybe they didn’t believe Jesus’s name was strong enough. i don’t know what was going on their heads, but as for me, i require the faith that would help me pray as His beloved son, in whom the Holy Spirit lives.
James 4:7-10 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. – next to the last verse, i wrote in my bible “1/31/12, Be changed” the desire for a change has been there even before then, but the prayer and faith need to be in hard work. truly i have learned that the desire alone cannot save me nor change me. i am not saying that i haven’t changed at all, but my desire/motivation to be made more like Christ has been withering and prayers gotta be there to revive them. James 5:13-18 talks so much about praying in faith, and look at Elijah who prays earnestly to stop rain and to receive rain, God works. and ‘Elijah was a man just like us.’
Lord willing, it is time i become a man He wants me to be by praying according to His will in faith.