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do not worry.

April 20, 2012

i looked at my bank account to see only very few dollars left, and i knew it was due to the gas, foods and some payment that i just made recently (and this unauthorized transection uhh). in my head — “hmm…. i don’t think the foods i brought from home would be enough for me to survive the day. maybe i should go home dinner to save money, but i want to stay in the library to finish more work. why do i even bother commuting to school too much?…. waste of gas money. but then, i like having fellowship with the people here. oh well, just gotta eat my lunch and dinner time can resolve on its own, but no way i am gonna spend more money on it. God……..”

i went to the lunch room, talked with some friends, good laughter. then the new guy showed up. i never met him, but he seemed to know two of my friends, so he introduced himself. ok, cool guy with delicious Potbelly lunch. we had finished eating so we were enjoying ourselves by watching him unfold his lunch.
we asked, ‘what you got there?’
him: oh it is just tuna.
me: i really don’t know other sandwiches because i always get the Wreck sandwich there.
them: no idea what that is….
him: did you just say the wreck? i think they gave me the wreck(looking at the label)? shooooot! what is in it? ahhh i can’t eat pork (don’t know the reason).

then, we started looking up the ingredients, and Salami is made out of pork, so he offered me the food. either i take it or he will throw them away. i took the other half that he hasn’t got a bite yet. but wow… the food itself is ok, but God would provide something like this from the guy that i just met? my new friend’s loss was my gain (i want to buy him lunch sometimes)? wow… that is just like between me and Jesus Christ (except it’s a gain-again situation) – why should i gain His reward? i cannot give an answer, but this i know with all my heart. His wounds have paid my ransom!!!!!!

then i remember the verses – Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  and also Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

seriously…. like i worried about foods yesterday too, when i was supposed to break fast with other friends. i thought i brought too little foods to school, but then God provided so much more through another friend.
for no reason, these days, although i want to pray so much for future stuff and callings (since this has been kind of overwhelming)… my lips and heart end up repeating ‘thank you Lord, thank you Lord, thank you Lord’. i have my doubts, discomforts, and dissatisfaction- but it would have been so much better if i could learn to surrender everything under that cross, adoring Him saying ‘THANK YOU’.

The believing man does not claim to understand. He falls to his knees and whispers, “God.” The man of earth kneels also, but not to worship. He kneels to examine, to search, to find the cause and the how of things. Just now we happen to be living in a secular age. Our thought habits are those of the scientist, not those of the worshipper. We are more likely to explain than to adore. – the Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer.

p.s. as a doubter, i tried to reason and explain this first, but i couldn’t. that’s why i am writing this. may the Lord our God be praised forever and ever.

update: my brother brought back a tray of sushi sashimi without me having to tell him. nom nom nom…. man, these foods are not the end of my joy, but God. i really don’t need them, but yet it is overflowing.

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