the veil in me.

March 29, 2012

Matthew 27:51 at that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. the earth shook and the rocks split– the work has been done on the Cross, now the Holy Spirit has to tear up the veil inside of me.

last night, first time in a while asking God to let me see Him and reveal me His power and will, something hits hard. i was actually praying for my future calling and how i could be glorifying Him through… as i prayed and prayed, it became more and more about me. it had become less of God, but more of ‘what i would do for Him’. they kind of look the same, but in the sinner’s heart like mine, it was all about ME DOING things for Christ.

when i thought about Christ, the cross was not even as powerful and wonderful as my future calling. well, that is just messed up because everything should spring up from the Cross. sigh….. i asked for God to reveal me my sins, and there came the sin of belittling the basic foundation of a follower of Christ. not denying myself, not carrying the cross, but trying to follow Christ. yea no wonder it feels tiring, anxious, and heavy.

this morning, i am reading a book from Aiden W. Tozer, “the Pursuit of God”, and it summed up really well on how i am not able to encounter my Lord. i will write it down word-to-word and skip some parts with ‘…’.


And yet, thus to penetrate, to push in sensitive living experience into the holy Presence, it is a privilege open to every child of God…. we sense that the call is for us, but still we fail to draw near, and the years pass and we grow old and tired in the outer courts of the tabernacle. what doth hinder us?… what is it? what but the presence of a veil in our hearts? a veil not taken away as the first veil was, but which remains there still shutting out the light and hinding the face of God from us. it is the veil of our freshly fallen nature living on, unjudged withtin us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. it is the close-woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgement of the Cross. it is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. we have but to look in our hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched repaired it maybe, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effecitive block to our spiritual progress…

but the urge of God within them will assure their continuing the pursuit. they will face the facts however unpleasant and endure the cross for the joy set before them… the (inner veil) is woven of the fine threads of the self-life, the hyphenated sins of the human spirit. they ar not something we do, they are something we, and therein lies bot their subtlety and their power. to be specific, the self-sins are these: self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them. they dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our natures to come to our attention till the light of God is focused upon them…

Self can live unrebuked at the very altar. it can watch the bleeding Victim die and not be in the least affected by what it sees… self is the opaque veil that hides the Face of God from us. it can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction. as well try to instruct leprosy out of our system. there must be a work of God in destruction before we are free. we must invite the cross to do its deadly work within us. we must bring out self-sins to the cross for judgement….

(the best part) in human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. to tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. to say otherwise is to mak the cross no cross and death no death at all. it is never fun to die. to rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free!!!

let us beware of tinkering with our inner life in hope ourselves to rend the veil. God must do everything for us. we must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life, and then reckon it crucified. but we must be careful to distinguish lazy ‘acceptance’ from the real work of God. we must insist upon the work being done…. the cross is rough, and it is deadly, but it is effective. it does not keep its victim hanging there forever (amen!). there comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. after that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the Presence of the living God.  

Romans 6:6 for we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
time to repent and face the Cross.

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