November 19, 2011

it has been like 2 weeks now that i haven’t blogged. i do remember my last one was about being filled with the Holy Spirit and having a broken heart… took me so long because maybe i was too embarrassed to admit that my heart was not aligned with the Spirit after that week. sigh, when my heart is satisfied, i stop fighting; it should be a new battle and hunger for the Word and the Spirit everyday. it’s crazy how sinful i could be. however, i could also see the progress that God has been working in me through the times that i fail…He has given me the quicker heart that wants to come back and repent before Him. i used to run away from Him, do my own thing, get a better feeling about myself, forget my sins and be ready to be forgiven before i go to Him. what the junks, right?!! it has been such a difference in my walk… now i am kind of a little bit more brave enough to approach the throne with confidence, not of my own strength. it’s a bit change in my heart and the way i receive and view of God’s grace.

in the midst of my time when my heart was far from God, i was encountered by something blessing. something i would usually consider ‘oh, ok cool!’ haha it was just a simple question like “do you have any prayer request?” it’s funny because the person who asked me as my ex-small group member, whom i used to preached at as a co-leader. it was friday and she came back from large group and was so blessed, so she wanted to tell and share her prayer request for something big going on the next day. i haven’t talked to her for a while, so she shared about herself and how she was doing. i was thinking, ‘oh she must be done talking now that she is done sharing about herself’. no, she had to add, ‘i am going to sleep now, do you have any prayer request?’

that shot right through my heart. it was just so genuine, i couldn’t comprehend, and my eyes were watery. it was weird. i was like “wow.. by all God’s grace. you were a freshman and i prayed for you. i took to you to the prayer meetings. i pushed you to go to the services. in all my failures, i tried to teach you everything i knew….. and now you ask if you could pray for me? what a wonderful partnership for the Kingdom!!!!”
what could be the best thing that a Christian could do for another Christian? no… what could be the best thing that a Christian could do for anybody in this earth??! simply a prayer.
i was so touched. i presented my prayer request and prayed that God would bless her heart. after that, i thought about it for the longest time. i thought about how many times i go up to someone and ask if i can pray for the person. it doesn’t matter if the person is my close friend, just a colleague, a classmate, or a stranger.

when do i know if a person is struggling in his/her spiritual battle? i don’t! yeah, how would i know if i don’t invest my time on the person and really see how they are doing. i wouldn’t talk to someone when i am struggling. i would hide. when people are struggling, i don’t think people would ever share it straight up. the usual response for ‘hey what’s up’ is ‘hey what’s up’….i tried checking up on some friends that week, and most of them were struggling a lot those days too. it was pretty surprising.
i also thought about how i would selfishly spend the times for myself and even in my prayer… it’s all ‘me me me memeememe me me me’ it’s about me and my spiritual growth, it’s about me and my God, it’s about me and my relationship with Him, it’s about me knowing more of Jesus. i am not saying it’s not good, but where is loving thy neighbor as thyself? sigh…

when i think about  what Jesus said in John 12:24 “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” it could mean so many different things, but one thing that keeps me thinking is… could i stop making it a big deal so much on myself and focus on another person? could i sacrifice my time to talk to another person? could i sacrifice my pride…so that i could see a fruit coming out? – talking about pride, i have so much of it… because of it, i have lost accountabilities of two younger brother and sister before. just that they didn’t meet my standards and i was way over my head to pursue them more for the glory of God. i have the evil mentality that says if you don’t need me, i don’t need you. it’s so easy for me un-love a person. i don’t even know where i get this pride from as a person who is not even the best in anything…… it ain’t good, and i really don’t want to let it happen again.

i want to have the heart like the apostle Paul’s in 1 Corinthians 9:19 “though i am free and belong to no man, i make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.. look at that! what a humble servant of God who just wants to show Jesus Christ’s love to everyone. in fact, that’s what Jesus did for us….as Paul mentioned again in 1 Corinthians 11:1 Follow my example, as i follow the example of Christ. Jesus humbly came to earth and died on the cross, so that we could all be called God’s sons and daughters. that’s the greatest LOVE. this love has gotta overflow through us like His visible body on this earth.
John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

man, what a beautiful thing it is……loving/encouraging/challenging one another so that we can show Christ to everyone. the questions pooped up in my head are like… “what should i NOT do something so that someone wouldn’t be stumbled?”, “what should i DO so that someone could be blessed?”, or “what does it really mean to die to myself? more like…what fruits could come alive for others as i am dying to myself and filled with joy in the Holy Spirit?” i just want to end with James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” what does it means for you to deny yourself so that you may be healed? what does it mean for you to sacrifice yourself so that others may be healed? sigh… i still need much more wisdom and love in all these as i try them in my weak flesh. may the Holy Spirit help us!!!

Philippians 2:1-4 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

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