October 25, 2011

yesterday as i was heading home after the hardest exam of my life, the song ‘listen to our hearts’ came up.

it totally reminded me of how unthankful my heart was and how my mind was all consumed by what answers i put for the exam. it was definitely the hardest exam  i had ever had. i was prepared for it, but that wasn’t enough. frigging amino acids! yes, that was exactly on what went on my mind the whole day…. why amino acids? why must you, your diseases and metabolisms be so complicated? what if i bombed the exam? what will happen if i don’t get into the med school? how am i gonna show my face to these people?

as those things were rushing into my head, and when the song came up. the thoughts stopped, the heart muttered, and the tears started falling. God didn’t even need to listen deep into my heart. He could just see from my face how unthankful i was at the moment for my performance in the exam.

‘thank You for the Life, thank You for the Truth, thank you for the Way’—-

i was just reminded of how thankful i should be just for the Cross. not only that, i got
mom, little sister, and the family praying for me
friends who would offer to pray for me when i need it like the exam times
friends who would offer a place to stay, a breakfast to eat, a coffee/tea to drink, a lunch to eat, a dinner to share…..
friends who would explain the lectures/practice exam questions
friends who would text me to see where i have been
friends who would keep accountable with my faith
friends who would willingly share their beliefs/faith so that i may have a chance to share mine.

seriously, even without all these, i should just be thankful with the cross… but look at these blessings? did i get too lazy to count the blessings since they are new every morning? who am i that i deserve all these love from the people? there is nothing awesome about me….. God knows i would not be able to survive without these people in my life. He knows how much of a weaksauce i am.
when i was taking the exam, i had the biggest peace in my heart knowing that people are praying for me. that could have just blessed me so much, but i forgot about that on my way back…. my spiritual eyes are so weak and my heart is easy to faint.
i do realize that i cannot repay them back in anything, but i can pray for them to see what the most precious gift i have ever received in Jesus Christ. Acts 3:6 then Peter said, ‘silver and gold i do not have, but what i have i give you. in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.’ but it’s so easy for me to get caught up in my own little world and finding my own ‘me’ time. One time, when i was getting my stuff ready to study, a friend called for a car’s problem. i said, ‘really??!’ i am someone who would never refuse to help, so of course i got up with a bitter heart to help. at the time i said to God, ‘You see me doing this? now i cannot get my study done. would you mind blessing me more for this sacrifice?’ dumb, i know.

LOL — i swear i heard God saying, ‘what have I ever asked for My sacrifice for you on the Cross?’

there was this time when a friend of mine asked me about Christianity and the bible while we were studying… what did i do? –‘oh man i kinda should be studying’ – as soon as i realized what heart was doing and how it had forgotten what a privilege it was to share the Gospel, man, i had to repent for that.

I am now thankful again that God has put these people in my life. the old friends to the newest friends…
at the same time, i need to use that thankfulness for building the Gospel-centered relationships.

being purposeful in whatever he did, the apostle Paul wrote, “therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.”  1Corinthians 9:26.

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